my own handle 🎏 @kurt@social.thiskurt.me

If laptops don't have cases they'll start using opium to stop from getting bored.

I sold my soul to Disney. Which is not too bad actually, because it will take ages before it becomes public domain and the devil can claim it.

Tusky? You fools, that's just the name of the app, the actual social network is called... GNU/Tusky or as I've recently taken to calling it GNU Plus Tusky.

Does anyone remember a time when you'd be playing your Switch and at the top left it would say 'Friend X is online and playing game...' and the game wasn't animal crossing? I'm not sure I do.

Maybe I should take a day off next week even though there's nowhere to go or nothing to do, but then I guess someone else has to come into the office for just one day which is kind of stupid.

* I'm in the office, but with one or two other people as the minimum staff.

This picture of a lady's butt with the drive photoshoped to stick out of her back pocket has convinced me. As it so often does.

Heeeeey, this isn't a political manifesto, this a markov chain!

It's a lot more Firewall and VPN related questions than usual, that's very noticeable.

Should I re-buy The Witcher 3 on Switch? I never got far into it on PS4, but I really want to get into it and especially if I can lounge in bed with it and nothing else has grabbed me recently.

Well, I liked it. I only said the thing about Belarus to be Lovecraftian.

In the future, please don't preform the one update where you really need physical access to the device if it goes wrong.

I can make out two words. Two abominable words. Two words bringing horror from beyond the stars. They're saying...

"April fools."

They're-- they're speaking, they're speaking like humans, but it's all distorted and horrible, ooh, god, ooh, no, they have a french accent!

What are they saying? I can barely comprehend the words, something about sleeping forever in the depths... No wait!

Ooh, no, they've pinned me down. There's one on each ankle, one on each wrist, one on my chest and one on my... well, I can't say it in polite company. It's on my penis, one is on my penis.

They're starting to pull...

Aah! They're pulling me into the creek! They're pulling me down into the depths of a rather shallow creek! Tell my children I never like Belarus! AAAaaaaahhhhhh...

Eww, they're on my shoes, they're dribbling their ink all over it.

Yuck, now they're crawling all over my body and getting my shirt all inky.

I poked one with a stick and now they're all staring it me. They have like weird giant bug eyes instead of... whatever a squid usually has. Maybe these are the eyes a squid usually has? I can't say I've ever looked into a squid's enchanting eyes before.

Ugh. They're making a terrible, annoying noise. Like part cricket, part croaking frog, part drunken belch.

That's it, I'm going down there to scare them off so they shut up.

Hey, look, it's got a little friend. There's a whole squid family crawling across the driveway now.

These things are not used to walking, let me tell you, like a bunch of eight legged little Charlie Chaplins.

You know, it's hard to describe, but there's something weird about this little squid fella's head. It looks round, but... not? It's all wrong somehow.

Ooh, it's a chameleon squid! It's crawling out of the creek and taking on the colour of the grass.

Huh. Are there like fresh water squids? That looks like a squid in that creek over there.

Like that old teen show Squid's Creek.

Well, actually an 80's synthwave cover of it.