Dog owners: He so sweet, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Go ahead and pet him.

*The dog is sentient ball of teeth that won't stop growling for a single second and is best suited to guard the gates of hell. It snaps if you even move a finger.*

Cat owners: Be careful with that one she's dangerous. Don't touch her, she doesn't like it.

*The cat leaps in your lap and starts purring and gently headbutts your hand to get it to pet her.*

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This is my personal mastodon instance. For now at least. Can I suggest you make an account over at ping.the-planet instead?